SERIOUSLY - DOES SHE THINK SHE CAN GET AWAY WITH THIS???

Well hello there my long lost blog readers, ok...ok, I know I have totally left you hanging and trust me I have been asked quite a bit about when I am going to post again so here it goes !! First, did you notice in my pic to the left that my scar and discoloration on my neck are so faint - I just say I have multiple smiles now! :-)

This blog was started first to give my loved ones frequent updates so I could have a place to write it all out and not have to repeat them over the phone over and over. Second, it turned into a place where people could see the "real" story of cancer and what it did to me physically and emotionally. Third, it was my therapy!!!

I see my last post was in May, that was when I went to MD Anderson and quite frankly after hearing I still had cancer and learning I had these two wonderful metal clips in my throat I just wanted to leave cancer behind and move on...... wrong!!! That bitch had a Plan B!

Since May I have started up my photography website at www.graysonandlane.com, started a cancer support group that meets the first Monday of each month, it has a facebook and yes even a twitter site, and I have tried to express to everyone that would listen that life is so precious and how having cancer changed my whole outlook on life. I have been able to talk to several people who otherwise wouldn't have had someone to listen who understood what they were talking about.

I have had some hard times physically with memory loss, "episodes" of cold sweats, motion sickness, total lack of concentration and not being able to complete sentences (I now can blame my lack of having a thyroid instead of always using the "blonde card" - haha), etc.......... I had some bloodwork and they said I was being overdosed on my medication so they changed it from 175 to 167mcg's daily. It helped a bit but if I accidentally take a full pill on Sundays instead of a 1/2 I have all those symptoms 10 fold - should a person who has a KNOWN symptom of memory loss and concentration issues really be in charge of taking a daily pill?? There should be a monthly shot but of course I would probably forget my doctor's appointments! :-) I honestly barely get through work - my desk is full of about 100 sticky notes for reminders!!! *** read this article to see exactly what I mean: http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/17/when-cancer-muddles-the-mind/?pagemode=print

I also have quite a few issues with those pesky metal clips, I cannot laugh, get hickups (that is the worst), sneeze, cough, or turn to the left with out pain (kind of like a pinch in the neck). BUT the docs at MD Anderson assured me that it wasn't going to kill me and they would take them out if there are new tumors to remove in May 2010. They gave me tips on keeping the swelling down in my neck and that has helped too with the swallowing issues.

Little did I know that cancer was an easy battle compared to the emotions I would feel when I learned my sister Lori was diagnosed with a very rare cancer this past month called nasalpharyngeal carcinoma - she was diagnosed late after her doctor thought it was a sinus infection and she found out when she is in stage 4 of 4. I must admit I was pretty pissed that cancer thought it could strike my family. Sure, it could attack me ALL it wanted and I always felt ok about that because I felt like I was happy it was ME and not any of my loved ones. How dare it do this!!! I am still angry actually. You know that feeling you get when someone does something to your children or spouse and you automatically go into "I'm going to kick ass" mode - that is how I feel.

Then there is the profound feeling of knowing there is a special bond there. What an honor for me as as sister to have some understanding of what she is and will be going through. Although our treatments are completely different there are still those base feelings we share when dealing with the initial diagnosis, the uncertainly of treatment, and the fear and "what ifs".

I don't know what my role is yet besides just being the best supporter/sister I can be during her battle but mark my words, I will NOT just stand by while something attacks one of our own!

One great thing is that through the cancer support group that I run I have been given great information and that very same information I have been able to pass along to her.

I see this as almost coming full circle, I went through these things to gather information and some knowledge in order to help Lori. How awesome is that??? Just another reason to actually appreciate my cancer!!! I feel blessed to be able to do that for her and her family.

With all of the incredible love and support from our family I have no doubts we will be seeing some amazing things through Lori's journey. Our family has already come up with great ideas including TEAM TOWANDA shirts (after Lori's favorite movie Fried Green Tomatoes) and my sisters are cooking up meals to freeze!

I am hoping to get up there in mid-January. Please keep Lori, Jim her husband, and her 5 wonderful children in your prayers along with my family who would do anything to KILL her cancer!

So as we have always said for my cancer go MOMO!

We say go TEAM TOWANDA for Lori! :-)

Second MDA Appt Update

Well there is some good news today!!!

I went back to MDA this morning for a CT of the head/neck and an ultrasound of the neck. They did NOT see any tumors of concern (there was one that measured .81cm but it did NOT look suspicious)!!!!!

What this means is that the cancer cells are just basically just sitting there (I like to picture them lounging by the poolside sipping cocktails and leaving me alone) and they have not created any problems right now! This is GOOD news!

NEXT:

Mon 11:45am - appointment with head/neck surgeon (don't know if this is for glands or clip)

Wed 1:15pm - meet with my "home" team and discuss plan

I feel really good about all of this, I am just really tired but who wouldn't me right now! :-)

~ GO MOMO ~

MD Anderson Appointment Update!

(My latest pic - AFFLICTION)

MADGE IS STALKING ME!!!

(thanks for that one Gingee)

Well today was a BIG day! As you know my Internal Medicine doctor had some concerns that needed to be addressed so instead of sending me back to the same doctors I saw before she sent me to the BIG GUNS at MD Anderson Cancer Center. Today was my first appointment.

From the moment I walked in the doors I knew I was in for quite the experience. It is SO BIG and so I headed straight for the information desk so we wouldn't waste any time. They told me to follow the blue stripes on the carpet until the very end ...... we walked, and walked, and walked. We finally made it to ELEVATOR A!!

The doctor I was supposed to see (the chief of endocrinology) had called in sick but MD Anderson had already called me this morning and told me they rearranged my entire schedule and I would be seeing his associate instead, a Dr. Mimi Hu. I was perfectly fine with that.

I checked in and they handed me a two page itinerary!!! I thought I was just there for my initial consultation! Here is what I saw:


TODAY:

9:00am Registration
10:00am New Patient Appointment
11:30am Blood Work
1:15pm Chest X-ray

TOMORROW:

6:30am Check In
7:00am CT Head/Neck
10:00am Ultrasound Head/Neck
BIOPSY TO FOLLOW IF ULTRASOUND SHOWS 1CM NODULES.

So, I am actually up too late so I am going to make this somewhat short (I promise to give you a good update tomorrow after the tests).

I saw the doctor after talking to a few people, the customer service was GREAT!!! This is what the doctor said (condensed version):

"Well I see that your thyroidgobulun (sp?) is still higher than it should be so you still have the cancer I see" She went on about other things but as you know I was a little thrown by that so I asked her to explain since I was told I was cancer free on 2/2/09 and she was looking at blood tests from 1/26/09!!!!!!

She said that the number is still low (15) and it shows that it hasn't spread to the lungs or "angry" right now but my number should be .4 (that is a POINT FOUR) and so I do have some cancer that is either slow growing or will get "angry" soon as soon as it gets hungry for some glucose. AH YES I HAVE CUT OUT SUGAR NOW!!!!!!!!!!! No more daily Snickers - OH MAN!!!!! Oh but the GREAT news is I don't have to be on a low iodine diet unless I am doing radiation or an uptake scan - YAY!!!! SHRIMP FOR ME!!!! This by far was probably the only thing I REALLY heard today! HAHA

So, after talking about the METAL CLIP and SALIVA GLAND issues I am also seeing 2 other surgeons this week before I see her next Wednesday.

The CT and ultrasound tomorrow will show if there are any BIG nodules they need to biopsy. The strange thing is she did feel the new one on the left side of my neck that I have told you about but she felt a NEWER one that she stated she thinks measures 1CM!! This is a concern of course because if she is right that means I will get a biopsy tomorrow (sorry but having needles stuck into my neck and pulling tissue out is not pleasant).

She also stated that if they go in for the metal clip they will NOT cherry pick the nodules and they will CLEAN OUT MY WHOLE NECK! They don't mess around!!!


So, right now all we know is that I STILL have cancer, it never went away actually. PSYCH - we just THOUGHT we had a nice 3 month break! Goodness! That was really nice though to NOT have any doctors appointments and try to get my life back. I am so prepared for this next round of what ever we have to do! I know God gave me that break so I wouldn't break and give me back some sanity.

I honestly am not upset, I just have had the hardest time feeling "cancer free" and now I know why! I have also said I wasn't ready for God to stop using me and now HE isn't! :-) I just had this "feeling" and I couldn't shake it. Now I feel like it is going to be done RIGHT and when they say it is OVER I know it will be TRUE and I feel that is when my peace will come.

I must say going somewhere where every 3rd person you see is obviously sick and has no hair and/or a face mask on really puts life into perspective!! I almost lost it when sitting in a HUGE cafeteria almost every table had someone ill. There was a peace though, like every sick person's heart was with the others. It took a lot for me not to cry - I just looked at my food most of the time and Gene kept me laughing (of course)!! :-)

We all lost our dear friends and family, Gene Funnel and Gary Davis this past week due to cancer. Just 4 days apart. They were my inspirations all through out my fight and they kept me going. I had been feeling so guilty for "surviving" and having it so easy. In a way this makes me feel a little better. I cannot explain this. I did have this new drive to get healthy and fight really hard so it is good for me. I will go into detail at a later time!


I must get to bed so I can get up at 5:00am!

I feel like MADGE did leave but she left her suitcase behind.... I am NOT going to let her IN the house... I am just going to THROW her suitcase on the LAWN!!!!!!!!


Just a few more steps and I have FULL confidence in MD ANDERSON!!!

Well heck... I guess I have to say GO MOMO again! :-)

METAL CLIP UPDATE!!

I apologize for not updating the blog after my doctor’s appointment last week but at first I was really disappointed and just didn’t want to talk about it and then you know how it goes…. I just got busy/lazy!! SORRY! :-)

Here is what happened at my doctor’s visit (internal med – the ringleader):

My doctor cried the entire time I was in the exam room and apologized profusely about sending me to the surgeon that left the metal clip in my throat. I kept telling her it was not her fault, there is no way she could have known that would happen. I also kept reminding her that we are all human and we make mistakes (that comes from working in a neurosurgery office for 13 years – I know good people make mistakes)!! I love how I always have to console my doctors!! HAHA!!

I had gone to the doctor specifically because I have started having trouble with swallowing, my voice, pressure in my throat, pain, etc….(hiccups are very unpleasant!!!). I also had her feel a lump on the left side of my neck (not in the throat) and she just kept telling me how sorry she was and that it had to be biopsied. She also found another one which is real small but she stated it is a concern. She said this time we are going to go to MD Anderson and she got on the phone and tracked down which doctor I should see there and then wouldn’t let me leave the room until she talked to him to ensure me she was taking care of it (poor thing feels so guilty)! She told the doctor on the phone that I had become a very dear friend as well as her patient (she really is the sweetest doctor). She talked to Dr. Steve Sherman and after she explained everything he agreed to “accept” me as a patient (you know how MD Anderson is like Ft. Knox).

His office called me later that day to register me in the system. Also, he mentioned to her that the metal clip had become a problem with surgeons forgetting to take it out so they are not using it anymore and he also stated it can cause some big issues for the patient so yes, it does need to come out. He also stated that the metal clip is messaging my carotid artery and that is why sometimes I feel like I am going to pass out (this has only happened twice and Gene was there with me), he said if I do then I need to get the clip out ASAP (it slows down the blood flow).

So, I go to MD Anderson on May 4th, at 10:00am. They stated they will see me and there is a team of 10 doctors who deal with the thyroid cancer and it basically will be an initial visit and Dr. Sherman will determine what needs to happen first, either the clip coming out or the biopsy (I would assume biopsy because if they are going in they might as well clean me up while they are in there if it is malignant). But we will see.

I am perfectly fine with all of this except 2 things. First, I FINALLY felt back to normal and felt like I had my life back, having to go to the doctors again so soon and facing another surgery and biopsy result is just a little disappointing to me. But, again it is MINOR!!! Second, being an MD Anderson Cancer Center patient just has this persona and makes me feel like I have a sign over my head saying “CANCER PATIENT”. I thought I was over all of that (took me a while to feel "over it"), I know this cancer has one of the highest reoccurrence rates so I knew I would probably be going to the doctor again someday but just not so soon! :-)

All is well, we will get this taken care of and move on! Let’s just hope that new lump in my neck is NOT MOMO coming for another visit (the welcome mat is NOT on my doorstep)!!! Even if it is it won’t be a big deal, just will need another ZAP of radiation! I can handle stomach cramps, well the quarantine was hard but who wouldn’t want to lie in bed for 7 days and watch TV and play on their iPhone (I think I can handle that)??? :-)

So, I really do promise to update you after my appointment on May 4th!!!

MOMO – I WOULDN’T COME BACK IF I WERE YOU!!

NEW UPDATE!!!!!

Hey guys! I know, I told you I would keep you updated but quite honestly the past couple of months have been rather strange for me.


HERE IS A QUICK UPDATE FIRST:

The clip/calcification/scar tissue has gotten pretty bad. I now have a hard time swallowing and my voice is affected at times as well. It is rather uncomfortable. I am going to the doctor tomorrow at 10:20am (wow that felt like old times) and we will see what we need to do. I am sure I will get another ultrasound. The last one showed the calcification at 9.8mm so we will see if it has grown. Just sitting here it feels like someone has their hand around my throat squeezing.


NOW ON TO WORDS OF SOMEWHAT WISDOM FROM A CANCER SURVIVOR (still shocking):

When I was told on 2/2/09 that I was officially cancer free I was honestly shocked! I am used to always having something go wrong and it just seemed like a joke. It took a while for it to sink in and it was really great telling everyone and the wonderful response.

But I felt so lost, like in a dream. Before I was diagnosed I was always helping someone with something or another and all my spare time I was creating something whether it was photography or a special project for someone. I thrived on doing things to make others happy. Then when I was told it actually wasn’t the cancer that was so hard to deal with it was being told that I had to stop everything and take care of myself. I just couldn’t comprehend it. I wasn’t used to being taken care of and quite honestly it really irritated me. I felt that I was going to let so many people down. Then when I expressed to a friend my feelings about it they said, “Brandy, it is time to stop taking care of everyone else and let us all take care of you now.” I argued a bit about it but decided if I was going to get better I really needed to take charge of myself and my health.

So….. I began really concentrating on what my body needed and focusing on me. After crying about it for a few weeks (yes….it bothered me that much) I started to quite enjoy sitting still and learning what things made me feel better. Needless to say I got used to just hanging back. This went on for 10 months. I got used to my new way of life.

Fast forward to Feb. 2nd, 2009. I had so many times when the doctors or reports would give me not such good news that when the doctor called me and said, “YOU ARE CANCER FREE” I was so shocked!

In an instant my life changed once again. Now I had no excuses (must admit telling the husband I couldn’t clean because I didn’t feel well was rather nice). Almost instantly people started to treat me like the “old” Brandy. The one who existed BEFORE the cancer.

I had to “instantly” change back and I didn’t know how. I had gotten so used to taking the back seat and letting the world go by and now everyone wanted the “old” Brandy back – and there were no excuses!! I felt so lost like I was stuck in between 2 people. The “sick” Brandy and the “old healthy” Brandy. I had to figure out who I was NOW.

I had to relearn how to live “healthy”, I felt like I didn’t know the “old” Brandy at all anymore…..she was long gone. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go back to that and that really bothered me, and I mean REALLY bothered me!!!

Then, about 2 weeks ago it was like a light bulb went off! I just snapped back into the original BRANDY without warning (I shouldn’t say old – haha)! All of a sudden I just wanted to create and help anything and everything! My mind was going a 100mph!! I am super excited and it has been GREAT ever since!

I assume this was either hormonal and my medication finally leveled out or my brain just finally digested that it was time to let me LIVE again.

There are some things I have learned during this journey of being on the “other side” and I want to share them with you in case one of them might be helpful to you:

~ It made me really sad when people would look at me with big sad eyes and talk to me like I was dying – reminded me that I was sick.
~ I also KNEW I would survive so the super positive “you are going to do great, don’t worry about anything” I didn’t know how to react to that.

~ The BEST thing that people did/said was just letting me know that they were there for me and they would be praying. I only say this because the super sad and super positive was hard to deal with and for those cancer patients I now deal with I stay middle of the road and just let them know they have a friend who is there for them.
If you don’t know what to say, it is OK!!! It is hard to know what a person WANTS to hear and sometimes it is easier just not to do or say anything. But, don’t drop out of someone’s life just because you don’t know what to do. Just drop them a card or an e-mail just letting them know you are there.

~ When I wasn’t feeling well I just did not want to talk. Do not take it personal when someone who is sick does not communicate often. It is NOT personal! I promise!!~

~ The smallest gestures mean the world to someone who is hurting physically and mentally.

~ The hardest battle was MENTAL not physical. That might be different for other people but for me I can handle all sorts of pain (as you are all well aware of my many “incidents” – yes I am accident prone) but first having to “stop my life” and live completely different, deal with my loved ones hurting for me, and then to be thrown back into my “normal life” once again was very difficult. I consider myself to be very positive and not a whole lot gets to me but there were at least 3 times when I just gave up and asked God to take me home. Makes me cry thinking about it. I had very weak moments, it was hard. BUT, I can honestly say when I had those times not 10 minutes later I heard from some of you and you picked me back up just by letting me know you were there!!!!!

I just typed all of that just in case you might know or will know someone that is going through a difficult health issue and you don’t know what to do. I thought I would give you the perspective of the “other end”. I was one that NEVER knew what to do and usually just backed away. I now have a whole different outlook. Now of course I know everyone is different but maybe a little of that might shed some light on a situation.

I hope all of you are all well and I will give you an update after the appointment! Also, my photography website is UP AND RUNNING (graysonandlane.com)!!! I am so excited!! Once I finish tweaking it and doing the shopping cart I will then start on the Cancer Research Fund!! The website is already designed..... just need to go through the process of creating the company!


NO MORE MOMO!!!!!!!!!
I actually missed her in the beginning (just missed having an excuse not to clean!!!) and now she is just a distant memory………

MOMO ACCOMPLISHED!!

Hello everyone! This has been quite the week!!! The first 2 days after learning I was cancer free I pretty much was in a state of shock & excitement. I guess I had learned to live with being "sick" and got comfortable with it and then hearing it was gone and I am actually HEALTHY I had to switch gears. Ok... it kind of sucks not having an excuse any more for things like cleaning the house, cooking, etc...... (hubby has made it very clear there is no more excuses for me) HAHAHA!!!

Actually, everyone has been telling me that I am back to my ol' self and they see Brandy again. It really was like a light switch being turned back on. I instantly started making all sorts of plans and LIVING! Before it was hard to really make plans because I wasn't ever sure if I would feel good or I couldn't ever over do it or I wouldn't feel good. Now I have NO excuse & don't have to worry about the unknown!!

Just this week I have booked a trip home to Seattle, donated 2 pieces of my photography to an auction, started talking to the "powers that be" about the cancer research fund, recruited 3 board members, planned a couple of other small trips, etc...... It feels so good to be active and productive again!

It was really hard for me to stop and concentrate on me for a while and now I am ready to stop all that nonsense and get back to helping OTHERS!!! That is what makes me the happiest and I just feel so ALIVE again!

During the past 10 months I have witnessed the most incredible things because of this cancer. In a way it does make me a little sad that it is over because I would love to keep being a part of something so incredible that has changed some peoples' lives. BUT, I told a friend this week that it is now time to switch from being the girl that is "strong and positive through something tough" to showing people that through a good attitude and great support you CAN SURVIVE (I like the saying CANCERVIVE) and come out even STRONGER!!!!!

Ok.. here come the tears...... I can NEVER tell you all how much your love and incredible support has meant to me. Most people don't get the opportunity in life to have such support and to see how much people care about them. There were a couple of times that I really gave up and asked God to just take me and let the pain be over and I would always get a text or a call to pick me back up. I was never alone in this!!!!

Every day someone brings up this blog and I always get in trouble if I don't post often! I love that this lil' ol' thing that was meant to make it easier on me to give out the information turned into something so useful!! I have met other people going through this that heard about the blog and it has created a neat support group.

I will continue this blog to keep you updated on the cancer research fund and other important things going on in my life. It will be a testament to the fact that my job is not done here on earth..... there is too much that still needs to be done!

You really are the BEST friends and family a girl could EVER dream of!!!

NO MORE MOMO!!!!

*** I was asked the other day what MOMO stands for. Here is the story for those who don't know ..... The day I was diagnosed I had to call my sisters & mom which I did on a conference call so I could tell them at the same time. We all had a very hard time saying "cancer" so we decided to give it a name. I was reading my biopsy report and there was a word that sounded like the name MADGE so my sister said that was it. From that moment on we called the cancer MADGE and then I said that I didn't want us to cry and be sad so we came up with a little motto to say to keep our spirits up. MADGE OUT MOVE ON turned in to MOMO and it took off! There were t-shirts, all sorts of picture frames, food trays, cookie bouquets, sparkly signs, stuffed animals, etc...... It did always make us laugh and perked the spirits right up when someone said it. I always said it was like the LIVE STRONG motto for me. :-)

SO there you have it. Mission accomplished - MOMO!!!

Time to move on! :-)

** stay tuned... the cancer was just the beginning of the REAL story here! :-)

WE DID IT!!

I received the OFFICIAL call today from my doctor telling me

I AM CANCER FREE!

This is what she said, "Ms. ChandlAAA your scan shows no tracers of the cancer, just in the intestines, jaw & scalp but that is ok, so there is nothing there and your bloodwork came back perfect so this is a good day, just come see me in the summer, keep taking the 175mcgs daily, and get another chest x-ray to ensure the pneumonia is gone". I asked, "Dr. Nader, does this mean that I am officially cancer free?" and she said, "YES IT DOES, it is a really good day".

The endo nazi got all emotional on me and even giggled! I don't know if I was more excited to hear her happy or to hear the news! HAHA!!

So there we have it.... 10 MONTHS TO THE DAY!!

HERE LIES MADGE
SHE CAME, SHE TRIED, SHE FAILED

4/2/08 - 2/2/09

I have a lot to say about this, but I am just plain pooped tonight! I couldn't breathe half the day due to the overwhelming excitement and support! Thank you all for the great TEXT MESSAGES!!!

I shall write more tomorrow.......

IT IS OFFICIAL!!!!

NO MO' MOMO!!!!!!

TH BIG DAY!!

Yes, this proves that beauty is only SKIN deep! HAHA!! Totally kidding! I think my innards are gorgeous! :-)

Above is one of the pictures of the scans that I had today. Unfortunately I didn't get a shot of the "state of the art" orange ones that are really clear and look super cool (probably a good thing cause you can see the outline of my body and my intestines were glowing and I don't think y'all want to see THAT much of me! HAHAHA!).

So, I arrived at 8:30am and I sat in the little waiting room and another lady was outside asking about where she was to have her thyroid scan. She came in and I said, "I am sorry but did I hear you say thyroid?" She went on and on about how her thyroid is overactive and she is trying to get it fixed. She was just your typical sweet Texas lady who instantly was one of your new friends. Then she left and a young girl in her 20's came in and she said, "I am so sorry if you heard that, I couldn't help but talk about you.... etc..." I told her I hadn't heard a thing but I get it everyday so don't worry, then we went on and on and ended up laughing SO hard about height and my plight (haha). She was adorable and I instantly loved her because when I told her I was 36 she fell over in her chair and said, "I could have sworn you were 25". I told her she was coming with me the REST of the day! This girl was just adorable!!! Then they called me back!

I walked in the scan room and they had a NEW scanner which the tech Michael was really excited about. He said it had sensors that knew exactly where your body was so it could get really close. I learned that each time I took a breath it would raise up and then come back down. It freaked me out at one point because it was literally 1/4 inch from my face and when it got past my nose it when down to my lips. As soon as it passed my head I turned to look at the screen which was about 6 feet away. I saw that my neck area was glowing but not drastically. It was kind of like when you take a pregnancy test and the pink line is just barely there... you don't know if it is POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE. So for 25 minutes I sat there wondering what the verdict was then the machine started flashing WARNING WARNING - something about radioactivity. Well come on now... any one would freak out a little bit. Finally someone came in and she said the machine must have thought it hit me.

Then I had to do some more scans just on the neck. I asked Michael (who is always my tech) if my scan was glowing or not! He said you mean this area right here, yes that is glowing (my heart sank) but that is NOT your neck, that is your saliva glands". He then said the most beautiful words, "you are not glowing what so ever in the area of concern." I said, "are you sure, are you saying that it really is not glowing at all in the entire neck?" and he said, "NO GLOWING". He was really excited too and then he let me get up and he told me to come look at the other computer and he showed me some of my scans. He told me I could take a picture of it for my family up in Seattle (shout out). That is what you are seeing above... I know, don't be all jealous now!

The part that is bright is my intestines and my saliva glands. That is because if you remember that is how the radiation comes out. So I really have to be careful not to get the saliva stones again (that means I have to keep my saliva production really high with sour candies - oh and eating a lot!! Ok I added that part).

I then went across the street for my blood work and the lady taking it was even funnier than the previous two gals I had met! She really made my day with her comments and antidotes. I tell ya.... God made me laugh ALL day cause He knew I was nervous!!

I was walking through the hospital on my way back to work and I ran into my young little friend and I told her my test didn't glow and we both started screaming and jumping up and down - it was a hilarious scene!!

Now before we start dancing in the streets we must remember that I have not received official confirmation from my doctor. That should happen on Monday!

BUT IT IS LOOKING PRETTY DARN GOOD THAT MADGE

HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!

I told you I was going to be tougher on the ol' gal and kick her out!

NO MO MOMO?? I THINK SO

I will give you the "official" word when I get it!!

DAY THREE!!

( I just had to use my "official" picture again - HAHA!!)

I am going to make this quick because I am not feeling so hot. :-(

I went to nuclear medicine this morning and the guy told me I needed to take a pregnancy test because the radiation would harm the baby. I was having deja vu! I told him I had a test on Monday and the Monday before and they were negative. He said he would have to call my doctor. The good thing is the nurse wrote that I had a negative pregnancy test on my protocol so I whipped that out of my purse. Then he confessed that the doctor wasn't there yet so I waited almost an HOUR! Goodness.... and to think my patients used to wait up to 2 hours! SO SORRY!

So the doctor came in and I hadn't met this one before, he was very young and very nice (all the guys in nuclear medicine are so extremely nice I wrote a raving letter to their manager who was one of my neurosurgery patients). So, he gave me the usual spiel about everything and then they went to get the dose. This one was only 5 (I don't know what measuring unit they use) and when I took the dose to "kill" the cancer it was 220 so this one is SMALL but still packed a punch!!

They came in with the silver can and she had me take the container out from inside of it. You are not allowed to touch the pill so you take it like a shot and down a bunch of water. I wasn't allowed to eat or drink for 30 minutes (which was a real bummer because I was going to grab a HUGE breakfast right after that).

I did ask about being around Brenna and he said I was not allowed to kiss her (the radiation comes out the saliva and urine) and I couldn't hug or hold her until after my scan on Friday. I had already mentally prepared for that and that is a big part of why we all went to dinner last night. :-(

So no kissing and canoodling for me for 2 days. At least I am not quarantined for 7 days again! :-)

That is it. I have not had a good day physically but mentally I am happy as all get out!!! I got anxious today for the first time really about the test on Friday. I could find out I am cancer free! How cool would that be.... or I could find out that it is still there and we go for round 2! I am OK with that outcome, I know what to expect this time so it isn't scary. Don't get me wrong though... I am really ready to move on with my life!! I will see the screen after my test and I will see if it glows or not but I won't get that official call from my doctor until Monday. I will report if it glowed or not but I won't have a plan until next week if it does.

Ok... I am off to go rest. I will report on what I am going through physically tomorrow. I have NOTHING on the agenda tomorrow - YAY YAY YAY!!!! :-) Of course I wish I could just go have the scan and know one way or another!!! I have never been good with anticipation! :-)

JUST 2 MORE DAYS!!!

GO MOMO!!

DAY TWO DOWN!

Just a reminder that I started this blog for two reasons, one because I was getting calls every 5 minutes from my sweet loved ones & friends wanting to know how I was doing and I was in such shock and so tired that I decided to post updates here so everyone could know what was going on. Second, I told you all that I was going to tell the truth and let you peek inside the life of someone living with cancer and so when you meet someone going through it as well you would have a better understanding of what they were going through.

This is not my "pity party" and most of all I don't want to sound negative. It is just reality and sometimes it really sucks. Luckily for me most of the time everything is GREAT and I laugh and enjoy my days (well starting in December!!). :-)

I am a little sensitive today, I am sure it is these darn shots! :-)

I went in for the second shot today and she asked me how I was feeling. I told her about the sharp pains in my head and she apologized and told me that I needed to be thankful that I will only suffer for ONE week and not several like it used to be. I said, "amen sister, I was so excited when I learned about these shots!!". Then she asked me if there was anything else and I said, "yes, I am quite the b*itch today...... I called my husband a son of a b*itch this morning and I MEANT IT". HAHA! This is actually true! I know....... I don't know where it came from!! He ruined my coffee on accident and we were running late and it made me so mad! Now you all know I get mad about 3 times a year and it lasts for about 5 minutes. I guess this means you better not screw up my coffee! HAHAHA!!!! Oh you should have seen the look on his face - priceless! He didn't say a word - I don't think I have ever seen him so shocked!!!

She explained (oh yes I did apologize about 15 minutes later which is a lifetime for me... that is like our 5th "fight" in 18 years) that the shots have thrown me into HYPOthyroidism and so my body is completely out of whack (obviously hormones as well). I also mentioned to her that I cannot concentrate for the life of me and she said that was common (just like before my meds were leveled).

However, I wasn't grouchy at all after that and I have been forgiven!! :-) It is quite funny now. My hubby just looked at me and said, "I know you are going through a lot and I understand it is not easy, I am here for you". :-) What a trooper!

So later in the day I started feeling nauseous but we had plans to go out to eat with Bill, Ginger, & Brenna after not seeing them for DAYS and I wasn't going to miss it! I started feeling better and we had a GREAT time (as always).

One of the other things I have noticed is that I have DEFINITELY gained weight! I know it is only 2 days in but the way I eat it isn't a surprise (I seriously eat every 30 minutes). I am anxious to get on the scale - I will report on that tomorrow. You all know I went from 163lbs to 140lbs and have stayed at 143lbs for over a year now. This should be interesting to see how this affects it after ya'll know how hard it has been to gain weight! :-)

TOMORROW:

I check into admissions at the hospital at 7:30am and then go to nuclear medicine for the "radioactive iodine" pill. It is so cool... a guy in a "space suit" brings it to you and you cannot touch it. Tomorrow is a LOW dose so I can go back to work.

THURSDAY:

NOTHING - I get the day off!! YAY!!!

I am off to bed now... the lethargy has kicked in too! I have learned to REALLY appreciate my thyroid medication now! I WILL NEVER COMPLAIN AGAIN ABOUT TAKING IT EVERY DARN DAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!! I love it and I appreciate it!!!!

GOOD NIGHT AND LOVE Y'ALL!!!

GO MOMO GO GO GO!!!

** HEY MARYJANE!! Thanks for the great comment! I will come see y'all soon & I PROMISE TO HIT A HOME RUN!!! :-)

ONE DAY DOWN!

Well I went over to the doctors office today (great because it is right across the street from where I work) to get my first shot of Thyrogen. I went back and she placed me in the "shot" room and then she came in and said she needed a pregnancy test. I gave her that "look" and laughed (they all know it would be the second coming of Christ if I were pregnant) and said if she gave me the shot and I was pregnant it would harm the baby so they HAD to make sure. Even though I had the test a week ago I had to do it again. Then they made me wait forever but I got to chit chat with all the girls in the office. Then it was time.....

She took me in another room and went over the protocol with me (basically just the schedule of tests, etc.. for this week). Then she told me that there are some side effects to the shot which include severe headache and/or nausea for the entire week. At first it bothered me because y'all know the nausea was my biggest issue before (I can live with just about anything but that). Then I realized that this shot was keeping me from being sick for weeks (5 or 6 minimum) so what is JUST ONE week??? I can do this!

I got the shot in the right "hip" (once again girls......) and then she told me I had to sit there for 30 minutes to make sure I didn't have any side effects.

About 15 minutes later I could tell it hit me but I didn't get nauseous. I was jut dizzy and I had that "cloudy" feeling that I had before where I cannot concentrate or speak clear sentences - I just keep calling blonde moments (gotta love those hormones).

I was cleared to leave and went back to work and then I started experiencing sharp shooting pains from my neck up to the top of my head. I haven't really shaken it since but I am just so happy that I don't have other side effect! YAY!!! :-)

So I go back tomorrow for the 2nd shot.

Oh yes... the endo called before my doc appt and said this (Iranian accent), "Ms. Chandler (sounds like ChandLAA) I spoke to your surgeon again and she looked at your surgery report and your ultrasound, she did leave a clip in there because she had to clip a vessel but she says it shouldn't be a problem. Just proceed with your tests this week and lets get this done". I said, "ok" and that was that.

I will call the surgeon's office tomorrow to ensure it is titanium and MRI compatible.

ONE DAY DOWN.... FOUR TO GO!

I just want to eat shrimp again! You don't realize how much you love something until you can't have it anymore!!

JUST THINK - IT COULD BE 4 MORE DAYS UNTIL WE FIND OUT

NO MORE MADGE!!!

GO MOMO GO!!

THE PLAN FOR NEXT WEEK

Yes I am still daydreaming about another vacation

(that was Sandy Spit Island, BVI)......

OFFICIAL PLAN FOR NEXT WEEK:

MONDAY 8:45am – Shot

TUESDAY 8:45am – Shot

WEDNESDAY 7:30am – Radioactive Iodine Pill

FRIDAY 8:30am – Full Body Scan

The shot is something new in the past few years, this will prevent me from having to stop my medication (they used to stop it 5 weeks prior to test) and so I won't get so sick! HURRAY FOR MODERN MEDICINE!! Before you would have to stop the medicine so there would be NO iodine processing what so ever in the body. That way when you take the radioactive iodine PILL it goes IMMEDIATELY to the thyroid which does all of your iodine processing and then the radiation goes directly to the cancer (the glow on the scan) and so it was more potent. Now, they give you a shot that does the same thing but you no longer have to get off the medication so I won't be a HUGE nauseous slug! YAY!!!

Here are updates on the other 2 issues:

METAL OBJECT: No new news! I get asked every 10 minutes what the latest is and I swear you will know when I do!! :-) I also keep getting asked if I am going to file a lawsuit. Some of you know when I was 17 years old I was very close to losing my leg (staph & gangrene) from a negligent doctor who decided to give me a 8 inch 3rd degree burn while cutting off a cast. That was a VERY difficult time and I ended up settling out of court a year after it started due to the stress. So, quite honestly unless it is threatening my life it doesn't really upset me or phase me that much. I have worked in surgery for 12 years and I have more compassion for the surgeon that most people I guess, it wasn't on purpose and it is so minor (well as far as I know) so at this point I really am not thinking about it. :-) If for some reason it does turn into me having another surgery and/or compromising my health then it will be considered, but it will be a very hard decision to make after what I have experienced in the past.

PNEUMONIA: I had about 3 hours of misery on Thursday and then I seemed to be doing very well with just he occasional bout of feeling feverish and heavy chested. Then I woke up this morning all congested. ICK! But I still feel it was caught so early that it will be over before it gets too bad. :-)

HERE IS SOME EXCITING NEWS!!!! Yesterday on my way home from work something REALLY big hit me. I think I didn't realize it before due to the news about the metal object & pneumonia..... THERE WERE NO NODULES REPORTED ON THE ULTRASOUND!! What that means is NO TUMORS!!! BUT..... all 9 of my tumors were between .7 to 1.5 mm (anything above 1mm is of concern) and there is a COMPLEX structure measuring 9.8mm on the right side of my throat. At this point my guess and after reading the report is that it is the calcium build up from my body rejecting the metal object (it is in the same area). So, this POTENTIALLY could mean that the radiation actually DID work and my tumors all shrank and went off into oblivion! COOL STUFF!!! Of course nothign is official unitl the doctor confirms it!! I will know more after all my testing is done. See... there is always a POSITIVE!!! :-)

I am really excited, I have decided on a name for the cancer research fund! STAY TUNED!!

HAVE A GREAT DAY!!

I am so ready to get back on that boat and sail away to Anegada (heck I might not return this time)!! HAHA!

The doctor FINALLY called me back at around 6pm tonight and mind you this is the endo nazi that NEVER laughs at my jokes (maybe I am just not funny??), she is always just direct and to the point. When I answered the phone she said this:

"Ms. Chandler (read all of this in an Iranian accent) you have pneumonia, you cannot get sick, you need to be on medicine immediately, you cannot get sick, call Dr. Ersoy immediately and get medicine, if she can't help you right away then call me back in the morning and I will call some stuff in immediately, you cannot get sick. Tell her you have your scan next week and you cannot get sick. Now, as far as your ultrasound, you have a calcification, this is perplexing, you also have a metallic object in there and quite frankly I am really confused. I ran into your surgeon today and asked her if she uses metal clips in her thyroidectomy cases and she is going to look at the surgery report (I have the report and it does not mention clipping or leaving a clip in there). I have never seen this. I don't know what is going on at this point and I need to get the full picture from her. I cannot proceed until she tells me what is going on. The metal object and the calcification have to be addressed but I cannot move on until I have the whole picture, I just don't know what to do. We need to get your scan very quickly and move forward. First however you must stop the pneumonia. Do you understand?"

I think she was trying to say I cannot get sick! HAHA!!!

I said yes and she said to proceed with my treatment course for next week and she will call me when she knows more about why this metal object is in there and if it caused the calcification.

That is it. Hearing my "tough" doctor all frazzled gave me a moment of concern but she didn't send me to the ER so I am assuming I shall live! HAHA!!

NEXT STEPS:

1. I will get on MORE antibiotics tomorrow (I actually stopped my other course because - GOOD NEWS - my face is 90% back to normal!! WOO HOO!!!)

2. I will try my darndest NOT to let the pneumonia get me (caught it super early... I just have a little baby cough)

3. I start the shots on Monday if this clip/calcification/pneumonia ordeal doesn't stop things

So no worries.... we are just rolling with the punches and we shall see where this adventure takes us. You might want to buckle yourselves in for this one.... it could get a little bumpy! :)

DARN IT MOMO!!!

** GOOD NEWS I FORGOT TO MENTION- THE XRAY SHOWED NO BONE OR LUNG METASTASIS!!!!!

Medical Mistake or Alien Implant?? Hhhmmm???

Some of you know by now that I had a very interesting day! :-) Yesterday I took advantage of my day off and went to a few doctor appointments. One of those was to have a chest x-ray to see if the cancer had gone into my lungs and/or bones and also a neck ultrasound to see if those 2 new tumors have grown. Well..... we got more than we bargained for!

I had a new ultrasound tech who was really sweet and we chatted up a storm until she turned all serious and said she had to go talk to the radiologist. This typically happens just to ensure that the radiologist can tell the tech if they got all the pictures and measurements they need. She came back in and said, "the radiologist wants me to concentrate on something on the right side of your neck". Well she had done 3 measurements there so I already knew there was something of interest (usually they only measure one "tumor" on that side). She then left again and was gone for 15 MINUTES! I took advantage of my "alone time" and snapped the picture above on my cell phone (I felt so criminal... like the time that Ginger and I "smuggled" Cuban cigars in our bikini tops - only to find out we were in international waters and it didn't count! I make a terrible criminal!! - HAHA!!).

I thought some of you might want to see this scar tissue I am always talking about. There is no denying that it is there!!

So, 15 minutes later the tech comes in and a few doctors are trailing after her. My first thought was I must have this GIGANTIC tumor and they needed to come make sure before they gave me the grim news but right off the bat the doctor BLURTS, "we think they left a metal clip in your throat during surgery, I need to look at it". Of course I made some lame joke and he looked at me like I was insane (I don't understand why people think I am crazy for not getting upset all the time). :-)

He poked and prodded for a while and then the tech grabbed the wand and pushed my jugular to the side and said, "see, when you push and move the jugular it is right behind it". The main doctor (the others never said anything or looked me in the eyes) came to the foot of my bed and said (very sternly), "I am going to go make a report and send it to your doctor". All I could say was, "ok, thank you very much".

I laughed pretty much the rest of the day and night. What else can I really do? I am just so thankful it isn't a pair of scissors or a scalpel! Can you imagine that? Good golly! I just crack up at the thought that I am one of those people you see on the Discovery Chanel about surgeries gone bad - haha!

So, one of the doctors I work with pulled my report up this morning and sure enough it stated there is a metal object in there. There were some other very perplexing things that are new but until I talk to my "real" doctor I am not going to get into that yet. The x-ray stated I had pneumonia (I have been feeling funky but not congested) so I am MILKING it tonight (I think back rubs cure pneumonia right???). :-)

Seriously... I cannot stop laughing and I feel great so don't even worry one little bit. It actually explains a few things so I am relieved to know what is going on in there.

I am going to call my doctor tomorrow and see if I should be concerned at all. I shall update ya'll as soon as I know what we are going to do about my "alien implant".

ALSO... I am going to talk to our grants and contracts department this week because I have decided to start up a charity for thyroid cancer research (send me any name ideas). I work right down the hall from the endocrinology research department and I will talk to the chairman as well. Stay tuned! That means I get to do another fun website and finally have my non-profit! Of course I thought it would be for orphans and refugees (speaking of which Jacob is getting back from Sudan and day now) but this too is close to my heart.

Ok... I just had some caffeine so I could go on and on but I have to go "play sick"! HAHA!

GO MOMO!!

(she threw a nice little curve ball today)

OF COURSE!

You guys know me.... if it isn't one thing it is another. I enjoyed the last few days of things going well and feeling great that my blood work looked good. But, you know I am God's private joke!

The last couple of days I have experienced a couple of sharp pains in my wonderful parotid gland but they left as fast as they came (happened when I took my meds with juice). Well... today I ate a breakfast bar and wouldn't ya know it.... MY GLAND POPPED OUT! Just like before.

This just means that it is time for SOUR candies and maybe the steroids again. I am not even going to call the doctor until it starts happening every time I eat. I do NOT want him to do the procedure again unless I am desperate!!!

So, since I am getting the "radiation" pill (low dose for the scan) and that is what the docs feel caused this then I am a bit concerned. It really is painful and I feel so bad if any of you ever experience this!!!!

That is it.....

GO MOMO!!!!!!!!!!

(seriously..... so ready to MOVE ON!!!)

WE HAVE A DATE!!!

I just got a call that my whole body scan is scheduled for THURSDAY, January 26th! That is the day we will see if I GLOW or not! I cannot wait to get this over with and get on with it!

That is what the machine looks like, I just lay there for about 25 minutes and typically fall asleep.

Although I really enjoyed my month "off" in December I haven't enjoyed the delay in hearing YOU ARE CURED! :-) Coming soon I am sure!

I want that SURVIVOR T-SHIRT! We all have goals! :-)

GO MOMO!!