TOUR DE FRANCE!!!!!!!!!

http://www.livestrongaction.org/bike/brandy-rides-for-my-sister-lori

CLICK ON THE LINK ABOVE TO GO CHEER ME ON IN MY VIRTUAL BIKE RIDE FOR MY SISTER LORI!!!

If we win then HER NAME will be on LANCE ARMSTRONG'S BIKE during the TOUR DE FRANCE!!!

How incredibly cool is that????????

TBCW & TBDW & NO MO MOMO!!

Cancer Survivor - Day 6! LESSONS TO SHARE

I just want to SHOUT TO THE WORLD that I am cancer free and share ALL of my feelings of joy!!!! :-) This is the place I have chosen to do it (gotta lay off the facebook posts - HA HA)!

Over the weekend I received two messages from people that have been effected by cancer with either themselves or a loved one. They turned to ME! Now that my friends is what it is ALL about!!

See the second I was diagnosed, literally within 5 seconds, I looked up and said to God, "ok Lord, I know you must have something really cool in store for me" and since then I think I did a pretty good job at staying positive and taking it all in stride. Now, some of you know (and those that have read this blog long enough) that I have had my moments where I just needed to throw a good ol' hissy fit and get angry. It is hard to keep positive all the time when you feel physically ill most of the time.

When I received these messages I KNEW I had come full circle and that I went through everything that I HAD to go through to come out the other side and be a completely different person and KNOW that God wanted to use me for a bigger purpose.

I always used to think my role on this earth was to help orphans and refugees and when I was diagnosed it was like a was hit upside the head with a brick - I just KNEW this was where I could spend my energy helping other people. I have always known I was placed on this earth to help, it just took me 36 years to find out exactly WHERE! :-)

I can honestly say this is the second BEST week of my life. I believe this is the longest stretch of days that I have been blissfully happy and nothing crazy has happened (6 to be exact - we call these crazy moments Brandyisms - just start this blog at the the beginning and it will give you a small taste of what I am talking about). :-) I think God is giving me a nice reprieve from the craziness called MY LIFE! :-)

I am starting to think everything in my life culminated to the past two years and I pushed through it and now moving forward is a whole new life full of exciting and positive possibilities - NO MORE NEGATIVE BRANDYISMS (check back in a week or so - haha)!!

I really do wish that everyone could experience this feeling of euphoria and the TRUE knowledge that life is precious and to NOT WASTE IT!!! Without having to go through something so scary and horrible that is! :-)

One BIG lesson I learned years ago (thanks to my sister Michelle) is to NOT have expectations of people. If you think about all of the pain, disappointment, and hurt you have suffered over the years is it not due to YOU expecting someone to BE something they are not, to react the way you want them to, etc...... you are only causing pain for yourself by expecting others to act the way you WANT them to! We are all totally different human beings. If you live life with the best intentions than If someone does not treat you with LOVE and RESPECT than you have to realize that they have to live with themselves. If they like drama or like to stir up trouble then that is just sad that they like to waste their lives like that. As my sister Jennifer always says, "you're just another day dead"!!!

I saw this quote a while back and it sums it up perfectly:

Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever...-- Isak Dinesen

Now.... take inventory of the "negatives" in your life and think about if YOU are actually causing your own pain by expecting people to do what you want them to do - pretty deep huh?? HA HA

That is enough for now.....

~ NO MO MOMO ~

Cancer Survivor - DAY 3!

What a wild ride this is!!! I guess I had envisioned this moment for ...... well 2 years now and I am surprised it isn't what I had imagined!!!!

IT'S BETTER! :-) I thought once I heard I was cancer free that I might just kind of want to back off and NOT hear about cancer and think about everything we had to go through, etc.... (take a break). BUT.... it is the opposite!

When I was diagnosed I immediately wanted to HELP - I wanted other cancer patients to feel the LOVE. Now all I can think about is how I want to do what I can so other cancer patients can feel this EMPOWERMENT and sense of STRENGTH!! I am more on fire now than ever before!!

I am a group leader starting today for Cards for Cancer - I will collect cards (bought or handmade) for cancer patients and deliver them to MD Anderson (along with the afghans). I know when I received a card in the mail it just made my day. It is a wonderful feeling to know you are NOT alone and that people do care - even if we have not met them in person.

I will be sending out info soon if you want to give cards - it won't be a one time thing, there are too many patients and unfortunately that won't stop soon. :-(

I am feeling more alive and energetic than ever!!! I feel like a whole new person today. I tried to explain it to someone and all I can come up with is that even though I thought I had a pretty good attitude along the way I didn't realize what a CONSTANT burden and weight cancer was on my shoulders. As soon as it was lifted I instantly felt AMAZING - not just because I knew the cancer was gone but because there was no longer a "black cloud" always looming in the background of my mind. I have room now for ALL THINGS POSITIVE now! :-)

I am just gibber jabbering - I am a constant ball of energy now. I am STILL giggling, dancing to the tune in my head, smiling from ear to ear, etc......... I wish everyone could feel this euphoria! :-)

Love you all ~

NO MO MOMO!!!

I KICKED CANCER'S ASS!!!!!!!!!

IT IS TRUE!!! MD ANDERSON CALLED ME YESTERDAY (sorry.... I have been to busy dancing around giggling to post here) AND I AM OFFICIALLY CANCER FREE!!!

2 years, 1 month, and 3 days later and it is DONE!!! I have a LOT to tell you all but I must get back to dancing around for a bit.....

I promise to fill you in on all of the exciting details later today....... the doc was FULL of great information!

WE DID IT!!!!!!!!

NO MORE MOMO

My Ultrasound On My Neck

MD Anderson - Where I took the shots

ONE DAY TO GO - OF COURSE THERE IS A BRANDYISM!!!

** Ok I started this post late last week.... read on for the latest.

Well I am sitting here typing this from home, I have been confined to within these walls since Tuesday. For those who do not know I had surgery on Tuesday to remove ......... well you can tell by the picture it had to have something to do with my belly right???

HERE IS THE STORY:

On March 11th, 2010 I started a 4 day period without my high dose of hormone replacement therapy (since I don't have a thyroid for those keeping track). My doctor decided to DENY my medication in order to force me to call in and make an appointment. Well it was the weekend by the time I got to the pharmacy and calls to the "on-call" doc went unanswered. This started what I can only describe as a medical domino effect..........

On March 13th I noticed that my belly just "popped" out - yes there were jokes that it could have been all the Girl Scout Cookies that I consumed (I am not telling anyone next year about how many boxes I eat - HA!!) but it just felt different. After a few days it really started to hurt and just kept getting bigger (it was rock hard) and I was becoming concerned that it had something to do with not taking my thyroid medication (mind you the doc takes out my thyroid due to cancer then denies the medication I need to function on a daily basis - very nice - the poor pharmacist had to see me cry!!). I talked to a few of the docs I worked with and their main concern was fluid retention due to not taking the medication which can lead to heart failure. I immediately went to the doctor, not my regular doctor, she was out of town.......

The "fill-in" doctor confirmed that I indeed did have all of the symptoms of heart failure! WHAT?? This was beyond irritating and between you and me, quite scary!! The doc sent me for all sorts of tests and told me to go to the ER immediately if this or that happened. I went back to work the next day and told my boss (neurologist) what was said and he got on the phone with his good friend who is a cardiologist and just happened to practice across the street. He saw me that day.

I recognized the doctor and he was so excited to meet me in person - see we have passed each other several times over the years walking around the hospital and he is about 5ft tall and always gives me this HUGE smile. He was extremely gentle - that sounds a little strange but he made me feel SO comfortable and he LISTENED!!! After he had me explain what had happened he told me to get up on the exam table and then he grabbed my hands (as if to calm me - he apparently does not know I am an ol' pro at this medical "stuff") and told me softly, "Brandy my dear, you do have all the symptoms of heart failure so I am going to examine you". Well after poking and prodding, ECHO, etc..... he stated that he did NOT feel it was heart failure but something in my abdomen (good guess doc). So he ordered a CT of my abdomen & pelvis.

The next day my REGULAR internal medicine doctor called me to come in and within 5 minutes she asked if I had been on an antibiotics lately. I said that I had been on a high dose of Levaquin due to a 2 month bought of bronchitis - she said, "AH HA!" that was it - the good bacteria had been killed and the bad bacteria took over. Well..... I don't want to go into the traumatizing lab work I had to go through - GROSS!!! Needless to say those results came back NEGATIVE for toxins (after she made me down gallons of probiotics).

Well.... the CT results came in and the cardiologists office called me to say, "Mrs. Chandler your results came back and you have a mass on your adrenal gland". Those are not words I was wanting or ready to hear. I am just days away from finding out I am FINALLY cancer free (you all know I have been counting down the days for a year) and quite frankly I was scared. Just like the thyroid I had NO idea what the adrenal glad did or where it was. I was then scheduled to see a specialist that Friday.

Since most of my medical issues have been found by me "digging" into my own results I saw on my report there was a ovarian mass. I called my internal medicine doc who went over the results with me and she told me to call my OB/GYN. I did and they got me in quickly.

I went to my OB/GYN and after laughing at my protruding belly (yes we have that type of relationship where he can laugh with me) he did a quick exam and felt this "mass" from the outside and said, "we gotta get that huge (golf ball sized) thing out on TUESDAY". So.... that was that.

I went to the adrenal glad doc and he said all was well and he showed me that the ovary mass was the area of concern and NOT the adrenal gland - WHEW!!!!! That is the end of that.

I had my surgery this past Tuesday and while they were in there getting the golf ball out they discovered "massive amounts" of endometriosis which they cleaned up as much as they could but could not get it all - therefore I get to go on another journey of 6 months of medically induced menopause (been there done that in 2003 and it was NOT pretty - I am still apologizing to my loved ones).

When I woke up from surgery and Gene told me what they found I felt like I was punched in the gut (not just from being cut open - ha) but we have all been counting down the days until May 4th where I would finally hear I was cancer free and WE COULD MOVE ON WITH OUR LIVES and hopefully start getting the hormones right to have a baby this year. I spent the next few days at home and had way too much time to think. I pretty much cried for 3 days.

I am 38, have thyroid cancer, and now have to deal with 6 months of menopause. This was a hard blow since I have been really looking forward to starting a fresh beginning tomorrow - and mostly looking forward to starting a family.

So, we pushed forward and started the MD Anderson appointments on Saturday, May 1st. The first day went great - just a headache and nausea from the Thyrogen shots. Then Sunday, yesterday, it was a full blown vomit fest. Oh man I was hurting! Then today I went in WITH JUST ONE DAY TO GO and they told me that since I had had that CT with CONTRAST a few weeks ago that I could not have the radioactive iodine pill and the scan tomorrow that will show if I have any cancer tissue.

So, there ya have it! I have counted down the days for the past YEAR to find out the DAY BEFORE that I cannot find out if I am cancer free tomorrow. Dang it! BUT - there is still good news - I find out TOMORROW if that ovary mass is benign or not! How cool is that that it just so happens to be tomorrow!??? So God didn't want me to go the past year counting down for nothing! :-)

That is the latest - I will give another update tomorrow after all of the appointments. I will be going back to MD Anderson to get two results which will ease my mind. One being the thyroglobulin which the number will tell us if there is any cancer cell activity and the ultrasound results which I can already tell you they measured 4 nodules (tumors) and the largest was .49cm so that is good - they biopsy if they are 1cm or larger. So, they will probably not do anything about those until next year to see if they have grown.

So, tomorrow I will get the ovary mass biopsy result and learn when I can get the scan done that should have taken place tomorrow.

~ GO MOMO ~

LET'S DO THIS!!!

Well I must admit, after starting the cancer support group and then Lori getting cancer I just got pretty sick and tired of CANCER!! I have been so ANGRY! I guess it has just started to wear me down hearing all the stories and talking to so many people that are suffering. It seems that I hear about a new person with cancer every SINGLE day! It is just so overwhelming and heartbreaking.

I think I reached my breaking point this past month, had to cry and talk it out with Gene, and now I am back at it!

I am back on the bandwagon to bring awareness to cancer research and to try to get people involved!

I am starting a CYCLE FOR SURVIVAL team (www.cycleforsurvival.org) to raise some money for a great cause. I have been a fan of Ethan Zohn for a LONG time (2002) and when I heard he had cancer I started reading his blog. He has the BEST attitude! He is really using his celebrity to bring awareness to cancer research and it is amazing!

CHECK OUT THIS VIDEO AND YOU WILL UNDERSTAND WHY I WANT TO DO THIS!!

http://mskcc.convio.net/site/PageServer?pagename=cfs_about_gallery_video6

So, if you want to join my team (name to be determined but I am thinking of TEAM TAWANDA since I will be riding for Lori - Gene will be riding for me!!). You can walk, swim, or what every exercise you choose! It is free to register, we just have to raise $1,000!! We already have 5 team members!!

LET'S DO THIS FOR OUR LOVED ONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GO TEAM TAWANDA & MOMO!!!!

Email me at: brandykc72@yahoo.com for more details!!!

SERIOUSLY - DOES SHE THINK SHE CAN GET AWAY WITH THIS???

Well hello there my long lost blog readers, ok...ok, I know I have totally left you hanging and trust me I have been asked quite a bit about when I am going to post again so here it goes !! First, did you notice in my pic to the left that my scar and discoloration on my neck are so faint - I just say I have multiple smiles now! :-)

This blog was started first to give my loved ones frequent updates so I could have a place to write it all out and not have to repeat them over the phone over and over. Second, it turned into a place where people could see the "real" story of cancer and what it did to me physically and emotionally. Third, it was my therapy!!!

I see my last post was in May, that was when I went to MD Anderson and quite frankly after hearing I still had cancer and learning I had these two wonderful metal clips in my throat I just wanted to leave cancer behind and move on...... wrong!!! That bitch had a Plan B!

Since May I have started up my photography website at www.graysonandlane.com, started a cancer support group that meets the first Monday of each month, it has a facebook and yes even a twitter site, and I have tried to express to everyone that would listen that life is so precious and how having cancer changed my whole outlook on life. I have been able to talk to several people who otherwise wouldn't have had someone to listen who understood what they were talking about.

I have had some hard times physically with memory loss, "episodes" of cold sweats, motion sickness, total lack of concentration and not being able to complete sentences (I now can blame my lack of having a thyroid instead of always using the "blonde card" - haha), etc.......... I had some bloodwork and they said I was being overdosed on my medication so they changed it from 175 to 167mcg's daily. It helped a bit but if I accidentally take a full pill on Sundays instead of a 1/2 I have all those symptoms 10 fold - should a person who has a KNOWN symptom of memory loss and concentration issues really be in charge of taking a daily pill?? There should be a monthly shot but of course I would probably forget my doctor's appointments! :-) I honestly barely get through work - my desk is full of about 100 sticky notes for reminders!!! *** read this article to see exactly what I mean: http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/17/when-cancer-muddles-the-mind/?pagemode=print

I also have quite a few issues with those pesky metal clips, I cannot laugh, get hickups (that is the worst), sneeze, cough, or turn to the left with out pain (kind of like a pinch in the neck). BUT the docs at MD Anderson assured me that it wasn't going to kill me and they would take them out if there are new tumors to remove in May 2010. They gave me tips on keeping the swelling down in my neck and that has helped too with the swallowing issues.

Little did I know that cancer was an easy battle compared to the emotions I would feel when I learned my sister Lori was diagnosed with a very rare cancer this past month called nasalpharyngeal carcinoma - she was diagnosed late after her doctor thought it was a sinus infection and she found out when she is in stage 4 of 4. I must admit I was pretty pissed that cancer thought it could strike my family. Sure, it could attack me ALL it wanted and I always felt ok about that because I felt like I was happy it was ME and not any of my loved ones. How dare it do this!!! I am still angry actually. You know that feeling you get when someone does something to your children or spouse and you automatically go into "I'm going to kick ass" mode - that is how I feel.

Then there is the profound feeling of knowing there is a special bond there. What an honor for me as as sister to have some understanding of what she is and will be going through. Although our treatments are completely different there are still those base feelings we share when dealing with the initial diagnosis, the uncertainly of treatment, and the fear and "what ifs".

I don't know what my role is yet besides just being the best supporter/sister I can be during her battle but mark my words, I will NOT just stand by while something attacks one of our own!

One great thing is that through the cancer support group that I run I have been given great information and that very same information I have been able to pass along to her.

I see this as almost coming full circle, I went through these things to gather information and some knowledge in order to help Lori. How awesome is that??? Just another reason to actually appreciate my cancer!!! I feel blessed to be able to do that for her and her family.

With all of the incredible love and support from our family I have no doubts we will be seeing some amazing things through Lori's journey. Our family has already come up with great ideas including TEAM TOWANDA shirts (after Lori's favorite movie Fried Green Tomatoes) and my sisters are cooking up meals to freeze!

I am hoping to get up there in mid-January. Please keep Lori, Jim her husband, and her 5 wonderful children in your prayers along with my family who would do anything to KILL her cancer!

So as we have always said for my cancer go MOMO!

We say go TEAM TOWANDA for Lori! :-)

Second MDA Appt Update

Well there is some good news today!!!

I went back to MDA this morning for a CT of the head/neck and an ultrasound of the neck. They did NOT see any tumors of concern (there was one that measured .81cm but it did NOT look suspicious)!!!!!

What this means is that the cancer cells are just basically just sitting there (I like to picture them lounging by the poolside sipping cocktails and leaving me alone) and they have not created any problems right now! This is GOOD news!

NEXT:

Mon 11:45am - appointment with head/neck surgeon (don't know if this is for glands or clip)

Wed 1:15pm - meet with my "home" team and discuss plan

I feel really good about all of this, I am just really tired but who wouldn't me right now! :-)

~ GO MOMO ~

MD Anderson Appointment Update!

(My latest pic - AFFLICTION)

MADGE IS STALKING ME!!!

(thanks for that one Gingee)

Well today was a BIG day! As you know my Internal Medicine doctor had some concerns that needed to be addressed so instead of sending me back to the same doctors I saw before she sent me to the BIG GUNS at MD Anderson Cancer Center. Today was my first appointment.

From the moment I walked in the doors I knew I was in for quite the experience. It is SO BIG and so I headed straight for the information desk so we wouldn't waste any time. They told me to follow the blue stripes on the carpet until the very end ...... we walked, and walked, and walked. We finally made it to ELEVATOR A!!

The doctor I was supposed to see (the chief of endocrinology) had called in sick but MD Anderson had already called me this morning and told me they rearranged my entire schedule and I would be seeing his associate instead, a Dr. Mimi Hu. I was perfectly fine with that.

I checked in and they handed me a two page itinerary!!! I thought I was just there for my initial consultation! Here is what I saw:


TODAY:

9:00am Registration
10:00am New Patient Appointment
11:30am Blood Work
1:15pm Chest X-ray

TOMORROW:

6:30am Check In
7:00am CT Head/Neck
10:00am Ultrasound Head/Neck
BIOPSY TO FOLLOW IF ULTRASOUND SHOWS 1CM NODULES.

So, I am actually up too late so I am going to make this somewhat short (I promise to give you a good update tomorrow after the tests).

I saw the doctor after talking to a few people, the customer service was GREAT!!! This is what the doctor said (condensed version):

"Well I see that your thyroidgobulun (sp?) is still higher than it should be so you still have the cancer I see" She went on about other things but as you know I was a little thrown by that so I asked her to explain since I was told I was cancer free on 2/2/09 and she was looking at blood tests from 1/26/09!!!!!!

She said that the number is still low (15) and it shows that it hasn't spread to the lungs or "angry" right now but my number should be .4 (that is a POINT FOUR) and so I do have some cancer that is either slow growing or will get "angry" soon as soon as it gets hungry for some glucose. AH YES I HAVE CUT OUT SUGAR NOW!!!!!!!!!!! No more daily Snickers - OH MAN!!!!! Oh but the GREAT news is I don't have to be on a low iodine diet unless I am doing radiation or an uptake scan - YAY!!!! SHRIMP FOR ME!!!! This by far was probably the only thing I REALLY heard today! HAHA

So, after talking about the METAL CLIP and SALIVA GLAND issues I am also seeing 2 other surgeons this week before I see her next Wednesday.

The CT and ultrasound tomorrow will show if there are any BIG nodules they need to biopsy. The strange thing is she did feel the new one on the left side of my neck that I have told you about but she felt a NEWER one that she stated she thinks measures 1CM!! This is a concern of course because if she is right that means I will get a biopsy tomorrow (sorry but having needles stuck into my neck and pulling tissue out is not pleasant).

She also stated that if they go in for the metal clip they will NOT cherry pick the nodules and they will CLEAN OUT MY WHOLE NECK! They don't mess around!!!


So, right now all we know is that I STILL have cancer, it never went away actually. PSYCH - we just THOUGHT we had a nice 3 month break! Goodness! That was really nice though to NOT have any doctors appointments and try to get my life back. I am so prepared for this next round of what ever we have to do! I know God gave me that break so I wouldn't break and give me back some sanity.

I honestly am not upset, I just have had the hardest time feeling "cancer free" and now I know why! I have also said I wasn't ready for God to stop using me and now HE isn't! :-) I just had this "feeling" and I couldn't shake it. Now I feel like it is going to be done RIGHT and when they say it is OVER I know it will be TRUE and I feel that is when my peace will come.

I must say going somewhere where every 3rd person you see is obviously sick and has no hair and/or a face mask on really puts life into perspective!! I almost lost it when sitting in a HUGE cafeteria almost every table had someone ill. There was a peace though, like every sick person's heart was with the others. It took a lot for me not to cry - I just looked at my food most of the time and Gene kept me laughing (of course)!! :-)

We all lost our dear friends and family, Gene Funnel and Gary Davis this past week due to cancer. Just 4 days apart. They were my inspirations all through out my fight and they kept me going. I had been feeling so guilty for "surviving" and having it so easy. In a way this makes me feel a little better. I cannot explain this. I did have this new drive to get healthy and fight really hard so it is good for me. I will go into detail at a later time!


I must get to bed so I can get up at 5:00am!

I feel like MADGE did leave but she left her suitcase behind.... I am NOT going to let her IN the house... I am just going to THROW her suitcase on the LAWN!!!!!!!!


Just a few more steps and I have FULL confidence in MD ANDERSON!!!

Well heck... I guess I have to say GO MOMO again! :-)

METAL CLIP UPDATE!!

I apologize for not updating the blog after my doctor’s appointment last week but at first I was really disappointed and just didn’t want to talk about it and then you know how it goes…. I just got busy/lazy!! SORRY! :-)

Here is what happened at my doctor’s visit (internal med – the ringleader):

My doctor cried the entire time I was in the exam room and apologized profusely about sending me to the surgeon that left the metal clip in my throat. I kept telling her it was not her fault, there is no way she could have known that would happen. I also kept reminding her that we are all human and we make mistakes (that comes from working in a neurosurgery office for 13 years – I know good people make mistakes)!! I love how I always have to console my doctors!! HAHA!!

I had gone to the doctor specifically because I have started having trouble with swallowing, my voice, pressure in my throat, pain, etc….(hiccups are very unpleasant!!!). I also had her feel a lump on the left side of my neck (not in the throat) and she just kept telling me how sorry she was and that it had to be biopsied. She also found another one which is real small but she stated it is a concern. She said this time we are going to go to MD Anderson and she got on the phone and tracked down which doctor I should see there and then wouldn’t let me leave the room until she talked to him to ensure me she was taking care of it (poor thing feels so guilty)! She told the doctor on the phone that I had become a very dear friend as well as her patient (she really is the sweetest doctor). She talked to Dr. Steve Sherman and after she explained everything he agreed to “accept” me as a patient (you know how MD Anderson is like Ft. Knox).

His office called me later that day to register me in the system. Also, he mentioned to her that the metal clip had become a problem with surgeons forgetting to take it out so they are not using it anymore and he also stated it can cause some big issues for the patient so yes, it does need to come out. He also stated that the metal clip is messaging my carotid artery and that is why sometimes I feel like I am going to pass out (this has only happened twice and Gene was there with me), he said if I do then I need to get the clip out ASAP (it slows down the blood flow).

So, I go to MD Anderson on May 4th, at 10:00am. They stated they will see me and there is a team of 10 doctors who deal with the thyroid cancer and it basically will be an initial visit and Dr. Sherman will determine what needs to happen first, either the clip coming out or the biopsy (I would assume biopsy because if they are going in they might as well clean me up while they are in there if it is malignant). But we will see.

I am perfectly fine with all of this except 2 things. First, I FINALLY felt back to normal and felt like I had my life back, having to go to the doctors again so soon and facing another surgery and biopsy result is just a little disappointing to me. But, again it is MINOR!!! Second, being an MD Anderson Cancer Center patient just has this persona and makes me feel like I have a sign over my head saying “CANCER PATIENT”. I thought I was over all of that (took me a while to feel "over it"), I know this cancer has one of the highest reoccurrence rates so I knew I would probably be going to the doctor again someday but just not so soon! :-)

All is well, we will get this taken care of and move on! Let’s just hope that new lump in my neck is NOT MOMO coming for another visit (the welcome mat is NOT on my doorstep)!!! Even if it is it won’t be a big deal, just will need another ZAP of radiation! I can handle stomach cramps, well the quarantine was hard but who wouldn’t want to lie in bed for 7 days and watch TV and play on their iPhone (I think I can handle that)??? :-)

So, I really do promise to update you after my appointment on May 4th!!!

MOMO – I WOULDN’T COME BACK IF I WERE YOU!!

NEW UPDATE!!!!!

Hey guys! I know, I told you I would keep you updated but quite honestly the past couple of months have been rather strange for me.


HERE IS A QUICK UPDATE FIRST:

The clip/calcification/scar tissue has gotten pretty bad. I now have a hard time swallowing and my voice is affected at times as well. It is rather uncomfortable. I am going to the doctor tomorrow at 10:20am (wow that felt like old times) and we will see what we need to do. I am sure I will get another ultrasound. The last one showed the calcification at 9.8mm so we will see if it has grown. Just sitting here it feels like someone has their hand around my throat squeezing.


NOW ON TO WORDS OF SOMEWHAT WISDOM FROM A CANCER SURVIVOR (still shocking):

When I was told on 2/2/09 that I was officially cancer free I was honestly shocked! I am used to always having something go wrong and it just seemed like a joke. It took a while for it to sink in and it was really great telling everyone and the wonderful response.

But I felt so lost, like in a dream. Before I was diagnosed I was always helping someone with something or another and all my spare time I was creating something whether it was photography or a special project for someone. I thrived on doing things to make others happy. Then when I was told it actually wasn’t the cancer that was so hard to deal with it was being told that I had to stop everything and take care of myself. I just couldn’t comprehend it. I wasn’t used to being taken care of and quite honestly it really irritated me. I felt that I was going to let so many people down. Then when I expressed to a friend my feelings about it they said, “Brandy, it is time to stop taking care of everyone else and let us all take care of you now.” I argued a bit about it but decided if I was going to get better I really needed to take charge of myself and my health.

So….. I began really concentrating on what my body needed and focusing on me. After crying about it for a few weeks (yes….it bothered me that much) I started to quite enjoy sitting still and learning what things made me feel better. Needless to say I got used to just hanging back. This went on for 10 months. I got used to my new way of life.

Fast forward to Feb. 2nd, 2009. I had so many times when the doctors or reports would give me not such good news that when the doctor called me and said, “YOU ARE CANCER FREE” I was so shocked!

In an instant my life changed once again. Now I had no excuses (must admit telling the husband I couldn’t clean because I didn’t feel well was rather nice). Almost instantly people started to treat me like the “old” Brandy. The one who existed BEFORE the cancer.

I had to “instantly” change back and I didn’t know how. I had gotten so used to taking the back seat and letting the world go by and now everyone wanted the “old” Brandy back – and there were no excuses!! I felt so lost like I was stuck in between 2 people. The “sick” Brandy and the “old healthy” Brandy. I had to figure out who I was NOW.

I had to relearn how to live “healthy”, I felt like I didn’t know the “old” Brandy at all anymore…..she was long gone. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go back to that and that really bothered me, and I mean REALLY bothered me!!!

Then, about 2 weeks ago it was like a light bulb went off! I just snapped back into the original BRANDY without warning (I shouldn’t say old – haha)! All of a sudden I just wanted to create and help anything and everything! My mind was going a 100mph!! I am super excited and it has been GREAT ever since!

I assume this was either hormonal and my medication finally leveled out or my brain just finally digested that it was time to let me LIVE again.

There are some things I have learned during this journey of being on the “other side” and I want to share them with you in case one of them might be helpful to you:

~ It made me really sad when people would look at me with big sad eyes and talk to me like I was dying – reminded me that I was sick.
~ I also KNEW I would survive so the super positive “you are going to do great, don’t worry about anything” I didn’t know how to react to that.

~ The BEST thing that people did/said was just letting me know that they were there for me and they would be praying. I only say this because the super sad and super positive was hard to deal with and for those cancer patients I now deal with I stay middle of the road and just let them know they have a friend who is there for them.
If you don’t know what to say, it is OK!!! It is hard to know what a person WANTS to hear and sometimes it is easier just not to do or say anything. But, don’t drop out of someone’s life just because you don’t know what to do. Just drop them a card or an e-mail just letting them know you are there.

~ When I wasn’t feeling well I just did not want to talk. Do not take it personal when someone who is sick does not communicate often. It is NOT personal! I promise!!~

~ The smallest gestures mean the world to someone who is hurting physically and mentally.

~ The hardest battle was MENTAL not physical. That might be different for other people but for me I can handle all sorts of pain (as you are all well aware of my many “incidents” – yes I am accident prone) but first having to “stop my life” and live completely different, deal with my loved ones hurting for me, and then to be thrown back into my “normal life” once again was very difficult. I consider myself to be very positive and not a whole lot gets to me but there were at least 3 times when I just gave up and asked God to take me home. Makes me cry thinking about it. I had very weak moments, it was hard. BUT, I can honestly say when I had those times not 10 minutes later I heard from some of you and you picked me back up just by letting me know you were there!!!!!

I just typed all of that just in case you might know or will know someone that is going through a difficult health issue and you don’t know what to do. I thought I would give you the perspective of the “other end”. I was one that NEVER knew what to do and usually just backed away. I now have a whole different outlook. Now of course I know everyone is different but maybe a little of that might shed some light on a situation.

I hope all of you are all well and I will give you an update after the appointment! Also, my photography website is UP AND RUNNING (graysonandlane.com)!!! I am so excited!! Once I finish tweaking it and doing the shopping cart I will then start on the Cancer Research Fund!! The website is already designed..... just need to go through the process of creating the company!


NO MORE MOMO!!!!!!!!!
I actually missed her in the beginning (just missed having an excuse not to clean!!!) and now she is just a distant memory………

MOMO ACCOMPLISHED!!

Hello everyone! This has been quite the week!!! The first 2 days after learning I was cancer free I pretty much was in a state of shock & excitement. I guess I had learned to live with being "sick" and got comfortable with it and then hearing it was gone and I am actually HEALTHY I had to switch gears. Ok... it kind of sucks not having an excuse any more for things like cleaning the house, cooking, etc...... (hubby has made it very clear there is no more excuses for me) HAHAHA!!!

Actually, everyone has been telling me that I am back to my ol' self and they see Brandy again. It really was like a light switch being turned back on. I instantly started making all sorts of plans and LIVING! Before it was hard to really make plans because I wasn't ever sure if I would feel good or I couldn't ever over do it or I wouldn't feel good. Now I have NO excuse & don't have to worry about the unknown!!

Just this week I have booked a trip home to Seattle, donated 2 pieces of my photography to an auction, started talking to the "powers that be" about the cancer research fund, recruited 3 board members, planned a couple of other small trips, etc...... It feels so good to be active and productive again!

It was really hard for me to stop and concentrate on me for a while and now I am ready to stop all that nonsense and get back to helping OTHERS!!! That is what makes me the happiest and I just feel so ALIVE again!

During the past 10 months I have witnessed the most incredible things because of this cancer. In a way it does make me a little sad that it is over because I would love to keep being a part of something so incredible that has changed some peoples' lives. BUT, I told a friend this week that it is now time to switch from being the girl that is "strong and positive through something tough" to showing people that through a good attitude and great support you CAN SURVIVE (I like the saying CANCERVIVE) and come out even STRONGER!!!!!

Ok.. here come the tears...... I can NEVER tell you all how much your love and incredible support has meant to me. Most people don't get the opportunity in life to have such support and to see how much people care about them. There were a couple of times that I really gave up and asked God to just take me and let the pain be over and I would always get a text or a call to pick me back up. I was never alone in this!!!!

Every day someone brings up this blog and I always get in trouble if I don't post often! I love that this lil' ol' thing that was meant to make it easier on me to give out the information turned into something so useful!! I have met other people going through this that heard about the blog and it has created a neat support group.

I will continue this blog to keep you updated on the cancer research fund and other important things going on in my life. It will be a testament to the fact that my job is not done here on earth..... there is too much that still needs to be done!

You really are the BEST friends and family a girl could EVER dream of!!!

NO MORE MOMO!!!!

*** I was asked the other day what MOMO stands for. Here is the story for those who don't know ..... The day I was diagnosed I had to call my sisters & mom which I did on a conference call so I could tell them at the same time. We all had a very hard time saying "cancer" so we decided to give it a name. I was reading my biopsy report and there was a word that sounded like the name MADGE so my sister said that was it. From that moment on we called the cancer MADGE and then I said that I didn't want us to cry and be sad so we came up with a little motto to say to keep our spirits up. MADGE OUT MOVE ON turned in to MOMO and it took off! There were t-shirts, all sorts of picture frames, food trays, cookie bouquets, sparkly signs, stuffed animals, etc...... It did always make us laugh and perked the spirits right up when someone said it. I always said it was like the LIVE STRONG motto for me. :-)

SO there you have it. Mission accomplished - MOMO!!!

Time to move on! :-)

** stay tuned... the cancer was just the beginning of the REAL story here! :-)

WE DID IT!!

I received the OFFICIAL call today from my doctor telling me

I AM CANCER FREE!

This is what she said, "Ms. ChandlAAA your scan shows no tracers of the cancer, just in the intestines, jaw & scalp but that is ok, so there is nothing there and your bloodwork came back perfect so this is a good day, just come see me in the summer, keep taking the 175mcgs daily, and get another chest x-ray to ensure the pneumonia is gone". I asked, "Dr. Nader, does this mean that I am officially cancer free?" and she said, "YES IT DOES, it is a really good day".

The endo nazi got all emotional on me and even giggled! I don't know if I was more excited to hear her happy or to hear the news! HAHA!!

So there we have it.... 10 MONTHS TO THE DAY!!

HERE LIES MADGE
SHE CAME, SHE TRIED, SHE FAILED

4/2/08 - 2/2/09

I have a lot to say about this, but I am just plain pooped tonight! I couldn't breathe half the day due to the overwhelming excitement and support! Thank you all for the great TEXT MESSAGES!!!

I shall write more tomorrow.......

IT IS OFFICIAL!!!!

NO MO' MOMO!!!!!!