METAL CLIP UPDATE!!

I apologize for not updating the blog after my doctor’s appointment last week but at first I was really disappointed and just didn’t want to talk about it and then you know how it goes…. I just got busy/lazy!! SORRY! :-)

Here is what happened at my doctor’s visit (internal med – the ringleader):

My doctor cried the entire time I was in the exam room and apologized profusely about sending me to the surgeon that left the metal clip in my throat. I kept telling her it was not her fault, there is no way she could have known that would happen. I also kept reminding her that we are all human and we make mistakes (that comes from working in a neurosurgery office for 13 years – I know good people make mistakes)!! I love how I always have to console my doctors!! HAHA!!

I had gone to the doctor specifically because I have started having trouble with swallowing, my voice, pressure in my throat, pain, etc….(hiccups are very unpleasant!!!). I also had her feel a lump on the left side of my neck (not in the throat) and she just kept telling me how sorry she was and that it had to be biopsied. She also found another one which is real small but she stated it is a concern. She said this time we are going to go to MD Anderson and she got on the phone and tracked down which doctor I should see there and then wouldn’t let me leave the room until she talked to him to ensure me she was taking care of it (poor thing feels so guilty)! She told the doctor on the phone that I had become a very dear friend as well as her patient (she really is the sweetest doctor). She talked to Dr. Steve Sherman and after she explained everything he agreed to “accept” me as a patient (you know how MD Anderson is like Ft. Knox).

His office called me later that day to register me in the system. Also, he mentioned to her that the metal clip had become a problem with surgeons forgetting to take it out so they are not using it anymore and he also stated it can cause some big issues for the patient so yes, it does need to come out. He also stated that the metal clip is messaging my carotid artery and that is why sometimes I feel like I am going to pass out (this has only happened twice and Gene was there with me), he said if I do then I need to get the clip out ASAP (it slows down the blood flow).

So, I go to MD Anderson on May 4th, at 10:00am. They stated they will see me and there is a team of 10 doctors who deal with the thyroid cancer and it basically will be an initial visit and Dr. Sherman will determine what needs to happen first, either the clip coming out or the biopsy (I would assume biopsy because if they are going in they might as well clean me up while they are in there if it is malignant). But we will see.

I am perfectly fine with all of this except 2 things. First, I FINALLY felt back to normal and felt like I had my life back, having to go to the doctors again so soon and facing another surgery and biopsy result is just a little disappointing to me. But, again it is MINOR!!! Second, being an MD Anderson Cancer Center patient just has this persona and makes me feel like I have a sign over my head saying “CANCER PATIENT”. I thought I was over all of that (took me a while to feel "over it"), I know this cancer has one of the highest reoccurrence rates so I knew I would probably be going to the doctor again someday but just not so soon! :-)

All is well, we will get this taken care of and move on! Let’s just hope that new lump in my neck is NOT MOMO coming for another visit (the welcome mat is NOT on my doorstep)!!! Even if it is it won’t be a big deal, just will need another ZAP of radiation! I can handle stomach cramps, well the quarantine was hard but who wouldn’t want to lie in bed for 7 days and watch TV and play on their iPhone (I think I can handle that)??? :-)

So, I really do promise to update you after my appointment on May 4th!!!

MOMO – I WOULDN’T COME BACK IF I WERE YOU!!

NEW UPDATE!!!!!

Hey guys! I know, I told you I would keep you updated but quite honestly the past couple of months have been rather strange for me.


HERE IS A QUICK UPDATE FIRST:

The clip/calcification/scar tissue has gotten pretty bad. I now have a hard time swallowing and my voice is affected at times as well. It is rather uncomfortable. I am going to the doctor tomorrow at 10:20am (wow that felt like old times) and we will see what we need to do. I am sure I will get another ultrasound. The last one showed the calcification at 9.8mm so we will see if it has grown. Just sitting here it feels like someone has their hand around my throat squeezing.


NOW ON TO WORDS OF SOMEWHAT WISDOM FROM A CANCER SURVIVOR (still shocking):

When I was told on 2/2/09 that I was officially cancer free I was honestly shocked! I am used to always having something go wrong and it just seemed like a joke. It took a while for it to sink in and it was really great telling everyone and the wonderful response.

But I felt so lost, like in a dream. Before I was diagnosed I was always helping someone with something or another and all my spare time I was creating something whether it was photography or a special project for someone. I thrived on doing things to make others happy. Then when I was told it actually wasn’t the cancer that was so hard to deal with it was being told that I had to stop everything and take care of myself. I just couldn’t comprehend it. I wasn’t used to being taken care of and quite honestly it really irritated me. I felt that I was going to let so many people down. Then when I expressed to a friend my feelings about it they said, “Brandy, it is time to stop taking care of everyone else and let us all take care of you now.” I argued a bit about it but decided if I was going to get better I really needed to take charge of myself and my health.

So….. I began really concentrating on what my body needed and focusing on me. After crying about it for a few weeks (yes….it bothered me that much) I started to quite enjoy sitting still and learning what things made me feel better. Needless to say I got used to just hanging back. This went on for 10 months. I got used to my new way of life.

Fast forward to Feb. 2nd, 2009. I had so many times when the doctors or reports would give me not such good news that when the doctor called me and said, “YOU ARE CANCER FREE” I was so shocked!

In an instant my life changed once again. Now I had no excuses (must admit telling the husband I couldn’t clean because I didn’t feel well was rather nice). Almost instantly people started to treat me like the “old” Brandy. The one who existed BEFORE the cancer.

I had to “instantly” change back and I didn’t know how. I had gotten so used to taking the back seat and letting the world go by and now everyone wanted the “old” Brandy back – and there were no excuses!! I felt so lost like I was stuck in between 2 people. The “sick” Brandy and the “old healthy” Brandy. I had to figure out who I was NOW.

I had to relearn how to live “healthy”, I felt like I didn’t know the “old” Brandy at all anymore…..she was long gone. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go back to that and that really bothered me, and I mean REALLY bothered me!!!

Then, about 2 weeks ago it was like a light bulb went off! I just snapped back into the original BRANDY without warning (I shouldn’t say old – haha)! All of a sudden I just wanted to create and help anything and everything! My mind was going a 100mph!! I am super excited and it has been GREAT ever since!

I assume this was either hormonal and my medication finally leveled out or my brain just finally digested that it was time to let me LIVE again.

There are some things I have learned during this journey of being on the “other side” and I want to share them with you in case one of them might be helpful to you:

~ It made me really sad when people would look at me with big sad eyes and talk to me like I was dying – reminded me that I was sick.
~ I also KNEW I would survive so the super positive “you are going to do great, don’t worry about anything” I didn’t know how to react to that.

~ The BEST thing that people did/said was just letting me know that they were there for me and they would be praying. I only say this because the super sad and super positive was hard to deal with and for those cancer patients I now deal with I stay middle of the road and just let them know they have a friend who is there for them.
If you don’t know what to say, it is OK!!! It is hard to know what a person WANTS to hear and sometimes it is easier just not to do or say anything. But, don’t drop out of someone’s life just because you don’t know what to do. Just drop them a card or an e-mail just letting them know you are there.

~ When I wasn’t feeling well I just did not want to talk. Do not take it personal when someone who is sick does not communicate often. It is NOT personal! I promise!!~

~ The smallest gestures mean the world to someone who is hurting physically and mentally.

~ The hardest battle was MENTAL not physical. That might be different for other people but for me I can handle all sorts of pain (as you are all well aware of my many “incidents” – yes I am accident prone) but first having to “stop my life” and live completely different, deal with my loved ones hurting for me, and then to be thrown back into my “normal life” once again was very difficult. I consider myself to be very positive and not a whole lot gets to me but there were at least 3 times when I just gave up and asked God to take me home. Makes me cry thinking about it. I had very weak moments, it was hard. BUT, I can honestly say when I had those times not 10 minutes later I heard from some of you and you picked me back up just by letting me know you were there!!!!!

I just typed all of that just in case you might know or will know someone that is going through a difficult health issue and you don’t know what to do. I thought I would give you the perspective of the “other end”. I was one that NEVER knew what to do and usually just backed away. I now have a whole different outlook. Now of course I know everyone is different but maybe a little of that might shed some light on a situation.

I hope all of you are all well and I will give you an update after the appointment! Also, my photography website is UP AND RUNNING (graysonandlane.com)!!! I am so excited!! Once I finish tweaking it and doing the shopping cart I will then start on the Cancer Research Fund!! The website is already designed..... just need to go through the process of creating the company!


NO MORE MOMO!!!!!!!!!
I actually missed her in the beginning (just missed having an excuse not to clean!!!) and now she is just a distant memory………