Hello everyone! I apologize for the long delay in updating my blog!! I must confess and be totally honest with ya’ll….. starting on 8/7/08 someone had said something negative about my weight loss that completely hurt my feelings and I couldn't’t stop crying for 5 whole days (I haven't cried like that since my Papa died in 2000)! Don't worry, it isn't anyone who reads this blog!! I didn’t want to get out of bed and I just had no desire to do anything! Nothing made me happy… NOTHING AT ALL!! After living in a complete state of unhappiness for 5 days I realized something had to change! I am not like that and I missed being happy and positive and going with the flow and enjoying life!!! Usually things don't get to me like that!!I thought real hard what could have changed my emotions so drastically and I realized it was probably 1 of 2 things OR BOTH!! One being I had gone into a depression and the second being my hormone levels, they were 20 times higher than a normal person at my last blood test. So, we decided to take me off the birth control for one and I tried REALLY hard to have HAPPY thoughts 24/7. It was that or call for an exorcism - HAHA!!. Five days later at about 9:00pm I was sitting on the couch (ok I was laying there wrapped in my favorite robe feeling sorry for myself) and VIOLA! I snapped back to my old self again! It was the STRANGEST feeling!!! It was like all the misery just washed down the drain and I was BACK!
I really apologize to my loved ones for "checking out" for 2 weeks and I know you love me regardless and it means the world to me that you just keep hanging in there with me in spite of all of the sickness, tiredness, and now depression that I have gone through.
I now have a lot of compassion for those who go through depression! Just one more thing God let me go through to have more compassion for others!!!! It was miserable and so incredibly frustrating that I could not MAKE myself change back into my regular self. My doctor had warned me in the beginning that people with my diagnosis and on this medication usually will go through a major depression but come on… I really didn’t think it would happen to ME!!! Of course I never thought I would be diagnosed with cancer either! I am learning to expect the unexpected at any time! :-)
I now have a lot of compassion for those who go through depression! Just one more thing God let me go through to have more compassion for others!!!! It was miserable and so incredibly frustrating that I could not MAKE myself change back into my regular self. My doctor had warned me in the beginning that people with my diagnosis and on this medication usually will go through a major depression but come on… I really didn’t think it would happen to ME!!! Of course I never thought I would be diagnosed with cancer either! I am learning to expect the unexpected at any time! :-)
The dizziness and headaches have come back but my appetite is HUGE!! I haven't gained any weight but since I stopped working out over a month ago in trying to gain 10lbs I got flabby and had very low energy. I have now changed my goal of trying to gain 10lbs by the end of this month to 5lbs and I am going to try to do it the healthy way and start working out again. My energy has been SUPER low - I sleep ALL the time. So, gaining muscle is better than nothing and it should get my energy back up there! :-)
I had a reality check this past week as well. I had to speak to someone and be on my "A game" and I realized that I am not the person I used to be quite yet. I lost my words, couldn't concentrate, tired out very quickly, and just wasn't quick witted and then afterwards I came down with my usaul motion sickness. I realize that I am still sick and it will take a while to get back to the same ol' Brandy. At least I am not boo hooing on the couch anymore!! YEAH!!
Love you all and I will update again real soon (I love how random people come up to me and tell me they miss my blog - that is so cool!!!!).
Thank you all for reading and supporting me!!
GO MOMO!!!!
1 comment:
Great work.
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