Well hello there my long lost blog readers, ok...ok, I know I have totally left you hanging and trust me I have been asked quite a bit about when I am going to post again so here it goes !! First, did you notice in my pic to the left that my scar and discoloration on my neck are so faint - I just say I have multiple smiles now! :-)This blog was started first to give my loved ones frequent updates so I could have a place to write it all out and not have to repeat them over the phone over and over. Second, it turned into a place where people could see the "real" story of cancer and what it did to me physically and emotionally. Third, it was my therapy!!!
I see my last post was in May, that was when I went to MD Anderson and quite frankly after hearing I still had cancer and learning I had these two wonderful metal clips in my throat I just wanted to leave cancer behind and move on...... wrong!!! That bitch had a Plan B!
Since May I have started up my photography website at www.graysonandlane.com, started a cancer support group that meets the first Monday of each month, it has a facebook and yes even a twitter site, and I have tried to express to everyone that would listen that life is so precious and how having cancer changed my whole outlook on life. I have been able to talk to several people who otherwise wouldn't have had someone to listen who understood what they were talking about.
I have had some hard times physically with memory loss, "episodes" of cold sweats, motion sickness, total lack of concentration and not being able to complete sentences (I now can blame my lack of having a thyroid instead of always using the "blonde card" - haha), etc.......... I had some bloodwork and they said I was being overdosed on my medication so they changed it from 175 to 167mcg's daily. It helped a bit but if I accidentally take a full pill on Sundays instead of a 1/2 I have all those symptoms 10 fold - should a person who has a KNOWN symptom of memory loss and concentration issues really be in charge of taking a daily pill?? There should be a monthly shot but of course I would probably forget my doctor's appointments! :-) I honestly barely get through work - my desk is full of about 100 sticky notes for reminders!!! *** read this article to see exactly what I mean: http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/17/when-cancer-muddles-the-mind/?pagemode=print
I also have quite a few issues with those pesky metal clips, I cannot laugh, get hickups (that is the worst), sneeze, cough, or turn to the left with out pain (kind of like a pinch in the neck). BUT the docs at MD Anderson assured me that it wasn't going to kill me and they would take them out if there are new tumors to remove in May 2010. They gave me tips on keeping the swelling down in my neck and that has helped too with the swallowing issues.
Little did I know that cancer was an easy battle compared to the emotions I would feel when I learned my sister Lori was diagnosed with a very rare cancer this past month called nasalpharyngeal carcinoma - she was diagnosed late after her doctor thought it was a sinus infection and she found out when she is in stage 4 of 4. I must admit I was pretty pissed that cancer thought it could strike my family. Sure, it could attack me ALL it wanted and I always felt ok about that because I felt like I was happy it was ME and not any of my loved ones. How dare it do this!!! I am still angry actually. You know that feeling you get when someone does something to your children or spouse and you automatically go into "I'm going to kick ass" mode - that is how I feel.
Then there is the profound feeling of knowing there is a special bond there. What an honor for me as as sister to have some understanding of what she is and will be going through. Although our treatments are completely different there are still those base feelings we share when dealing with the initial diagnosis, the uncertainly of treatment, and the fear and "what ifs".
I don't know what my role is yet besides just being the best supporter/sister I can be during her battle but mark my words, I will NOT just stand by while something attacks one of our own!
One great thing is that through the cancer support group that I run I have been given great information and that very same information I have been able to pass along to her.
I see this as almost coming full circle, I went through these things to gather information and some knowledge in order to help Lori. How awesome is that??? Just another reason to actually appreciate my cancer!!! I feel blessed to be able to do that for her and her family.
With all of the incredible love and support from our family I have no doubts we will be seeing some amazing things through Lori's journey. Our family has already come up with great ideas including TEAM TOWANDA shirts (after Lori's favorite movie Fried Green Tomatoes) and my sisters are cooking up meals to freeze!
I am hoping to get up there in mid-January. Please keep Lori, Jim her husband, and her 5 wonderful children in your prayers along with my family who would do anything to KILL her cancer!
So as we have always said for my cancer go MOMO!
We say go TEAM TOWANDA for Lori! :-)
